Christine de Beer - effortless floral craftsman
Subject: A Formal Complaint Regarding the Distinct Lack of Snowflakiness
- 14 January 2026
- and more
Dear Editor of the Wood Wide Web,
I am getting my endosperm to produce a signal for you today as I am still lying here in the soggy soil, waiting for my cues…
And yet… what do I receive?
Rain.
Big, lazy, plopping drops of winter rain.
Not the dignified flutter of snowflakes, oh no.
Not the crisp hush of a proper frost.
Just… plopping ploppity plop. Plop. Heavy clouds. Filled with promise. And then… plop.
I ask you, how is a seed supposed to achieve proper stratification under these conditions? I have dreams, you know. Aspirations. I am not merely an interesting looking speck in the soil. I am a future floral design! I was told I am filled with so much creative potential. I am too pretty to be treated like this.
But without my blanket of snow settling gently above me, I fear I may remain in this limbo indefinitely, neither sprouting nor sleeping, just… damp.
I am not unreasonable. I understand weather patterns shift. I understand the sky has moods. But surely we can all agree that winter rain should at least attempt a bit of snowflakiness. A little effort. A little sparkle. A little something to help a seed feel seen.
Therefore, I respectfully request that the evaporation be reminded of its seasonal duties. A flurry or two would be appreciated. A proper snowfall over the weekend would be ideal. And if the sky could refrain from these heavy, unceremonious plops, splattering as hither and thither I would be most grateful.
Yours in soggy disappointment,
A very Dormant, ever so slightly Dramatic, and absolutely still wearing my testy Testa coat, Seed
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